


Accepted It a Long Time Ago

by pushupindrag



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Poly Steve Rogers, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-30
Updated: 2015-01-30
Packaged: 2018-03-09 16:46:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3257147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pushupindrag/pseuds/pushupindrag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky knows that Steve is capable of loving more than one person, not just him. And he's completely fine with it. But he isn't sure where Agent Carter stands on the subject.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Bucky knew that Steve loved him. He knew it because Bucky loved Steve back and they told each other that they did every chance they got, a spare moment before the other guys woke up, whispered in the middle of the night, or blatant and emotional  after or before a mission in front of the Howlies, because they knew and didn’t give a damn.</i></p><p>  <i>But Steve also loved Peggy Carter. And Bucky was worried for him, because he didn’t know where the Agent was at with him.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Accepted It a Long Time Ago

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea that Steve was poly and Bucky knew and was fine with it. But then Steve takes an interest in Peggy so Bucky goes to chat with her about it and they end up being best friends.
> 
> Un-beta'd so any mistakes are purely my own, so please tell me if you find any :)

Bucky knew that Steve loved him. He knew it because Bucky loved Steve back and they told each other that they did every chance they got, a spare moment before the other guys woke up, whispered in the middle of the night, or blatant and emotional after or before a mission in front of the Howlies, because they knew and didn’t give a damn.

But Steve also loved Peggy Carter. And Bucky was worried for him, because he didn’t know where the Agent was at with him. He wasn’t jealous. He couldn’t be, Steve had a big heart. Too big just for Bucky. And yes, it was a little hard at first, because Bucky had loved Steve and only Steve since he was little. But after a calm, if a little teary, explanation, Bucky got it. Because Steve loved Bucky, he really did. Bucky was always gonna be Steve’s best guy But Steve couldn’t just love one person. Because the love he had for Bucky ran as deep as his very veins and couldn’t be shifted, moved or replaced, but it was a different and deeper kind of love. And the only reason Steve could feel love for other people was because he couldn’t get rid of the love he had for Bucky, but was still capable of more. Bucky was on the other end of the spectrum, his love could only ever be for Steve. But he understood, Steve cared too damn much about everybody that it would be impossible for him to just love one person. Bucky had made his peace with it and had accepted it a long time ago.

He was just worried that other people wouldn’t be as accepting as he was. Shit, he was surprised when Agent Carter and the Howling Commandos had been accepting of his and Steve’s relationship in the first place, never mind anything else. So that was why he was going to Agent Carter’s tent in the damn near middle of the night to talk to her. He didn’t want Steve to get hurt. He flips off the few wolf whistles he hears, scowling at the men. His tolerance for assholes had shot right down since his time with Zola.

He breathes out a low breath before knocking on the wood of the tent when he reaches it, unknowingly brushing his hair back from his face to make himself look more presentable.  
“Yes?” Agent Carter’s British accent answers so he pokes his head through the tent, only for her to beckon him in.  
“Agent Carter” He smiles, ducking inside. The tent flaps closing behind him.  
“To what do I owe the pleasure Mr Barnes?” That smile again, slightly teasing but kind. Bucky could see why Steve loved her “Bucky, please ma’am” “Then you have to call me Peggy. Sit.” She directs him to a rickety chair which he collapses onto while she perches on the table opposite.

“So what’s this little meeting about James?” He goes to say something about the name, but he decides against it. You didn’t question dames like Agent Carter, and it didn’t sound so bad when she said it. It wasn’t harsh or angry. It was just his name.  
“Steve” Bucky says truthfully, there was no point in dodging around the subject  
“Ah, I thought you’d come and talk to me sooner or later”  
“You did?”  
“Steve said you would”  
“Steve’s got a big mouth”  
“He said you’d worry”  
“I just want to make sure that you understand everything-“  
“And that he doesn’t get hurt” Peggy finishes for him. He nods and her eyes soften.

She hops off from the table and sits onto the chair next to him, tilting so that she’s facing him. He mimics her and waits.  
“He explained everything off the bat, about being able to love more than one person” Bucky nods, because Steve had told him that he explained to her, but hadn’t told him anything further “And he told me that it wasn’t a case of picking between people”  
“It never would be with Steve” Bucky admits “He would rather be alone than have people fight.”  
“No, he told me that it wasn’t a case of picking between people because in the end, he would always pick you.” Bucky blushes, looking at his twisted hands  
“Oh” He hadn’t known that Steve felt that strongly.  
“He made it clear, that yes, he could love more than one person at a time. And that he loved me. But you came first, you always would.”

She doesn’t sound sad, or angry, so he looks up at her. She’s still smiling, and laughs at his hesitant wince  
“And how are you finding that?”  
“Very well actually, don’t look so worried James!” He finally smiles up at her, keeping his head ducked a little.  
“You love him then?” He lets Peggy pour him a small drink, and clutches at the glass she hands him.  
“What’s not to love?” He feels his smile widen and so does hers as she pours herself a drink  
“You see what I do, don’t you? You see little Steve Rogers in that new giant body of his. You see the good in him, not just his stature. His heart of gold.”  
“I saw him jump onto a false grenade to save everybody else, and before that I saw how, despite what he looked like, he was always willing to fight the good fight. So yes, I saw his heart of gold. So to speak.”  
“I’m glad, because that’s what he deserves” He takes a sip of the liquid, unsure of what it was, only registering that is was vaguely alcoholic  
“He deserves you too James,” She reminds quietly, nudging his elbow  
“Maybe” Bucky just shrugs, taking another sip  
“None of that James” Peggy straightens up, shoulders squaring as her voice hardens a little “Steve Rogers deserves you. From what he’s said, you are one of the bravest people he has ever met. And one of the most loyal men that have ever graced his company. He loves you very much. And I don’t know how you don’t see that James”  
“He deserves somebody like you Peg, not a washed out, broken ‘hero’” He puts a sarcastic lilt to the ‘Hero’, and falls heavily back into his seat. He hadn’t planned on spilling his guts to Peggy. She was just that sort of person, one you could trust quickly and easily. A girl with a good head on her shoulders.

“You can’t tell Steve any of this” He grumbles, finishing his drink. He gently puts the glass onto the table and slumps again  
“Maybe you should”  
“No, he’ll realize I’m pathetic” Bucky grouches, but let’s his head be pulled onto Peggy’s shoulder, and lets her pet his hair when he lets himself get comfortable.  
“You aren’t pathetic, and Steve doesn’t think you’re pathetic”  
“Yes he does. He’s all, noble and shit. S’cuse my language”  
“I’m in the army James, not the dance hall. Now shut the hell up and let me talk some sense into you.” He smiles at that, and nuzzles a little into Peggy’s hair. Yes, Peggy Carter could stay. Steve couldn’t half pick a woman. If he didn’t love Steve, he would be lining up for Peggy Carters hand.

“Now, Steve thinks the sun shines directly out of your ass. I am honored and surprised that he even spared me a glace when he had you. He lost his mind when he found out what had happened to you, and I don’t believe that he would be here if you weren’t”  
“But Peggy-“  
“Don’t interrupt”  
“Sorry ma’am”  
“He loves you so damned much James. He doesn’t see you the way that you see you, and you need to bloody well buck your ideas up about yourself. Because you aren’t pathetic, and yes, you may be broken, but that wasn’t your fault. You _are_ a hero James, and I don’t care what you say. You are a hero. To me, Steve and many others within this camp.”  
“Thanks Peggy” He shuffles closer again, getting closer until Peggy huffs and moves them to sit on the bed so there aren’t awkward chair arms in their way.

“That camp fucked me up Peg”  
“I know”  
“You can’t tell Steve”  
“He already knows”  
“I can’t tell him myself though”  
“James, he understands. He worries yes, but he knows how bad it must have been for you. Once the Commandos told him what had happened to them, he pieced it together and then exaggerated everything tenfold. You know how he is”  
“Yes.”

He gets comfortable again, and Peggy just keeps holding onto him, letting him ground himself  
“I’m glad Steve loves you” He admits and he feels Peggy smile against his temple  
“So am I.”

 

It’s the 21st Century and Bucky remembers every damn thing. It had hurt too much at first, those first eight months. But now, he was dealing with everything, little bit by little bit.

So it is now the 21st Century and Bucky is crying over Peggy Carter. Peggy Carter, the only woman to ever fully _get_ Steve Rogers, the only woman to ever see Steve for who he was and accept what Bucky and Steve were. The only one that loved Steve enough to accept Bucky, and one of the few people who Bucky trusted with his life. Peggy Carter was one of his best friends. She was near enough a sister to him, and now she couldn’t even fully remember who he was.

There had been a minute or two, when Steve had taken him to see her that day, when she had sworn at him with a smile on her face  
“Remember what I said James, he understands”  
“Love you Peg”  
“You too James.” He’d had to leave not long after.

So he was sitting in his room, curled on his bed. Sobbing his heart out with Steve perched on the edge of the quilt, not letting Steve get close.  
“Bucky?” Steve prompts when Bucky finally lets himself climb into Steve’s lap an hour later, and his sobs have turned into quiet sniffles  
“I just-“ He sniffs again “Peggy got you. She saw you for you, she saw you like I do. And you loved her so much. And now she’s practically gone. And I loved her too Stevie, not like you. But as a friend. And I miss her so much.”  
“I know you do Buck, I do too”  
“There’s never going to be another one of her is there?”  
“Not on our life”  
“You haven’t loved anyone since, have you Steve” He had noticed that Steve didn’t look around anymore, hadn’t let himself.  
“Haven’t wanted to Buck. I haven’t wanted to.” That hits him a little bit, because Bucky must have been included in that, he wasn’t lovable anymore. He was broken all to hell. But he tries to let it go. He didn’t deserve Steve Rogers, he’d always known that. It had just taken the Winter Soldier for Steve to see it too.

That didn’t mean that Bucky didn’t want the best for Steve though. And he let his thoughts stew for another week after his episode before bringing it up. Because Steve deserved to love somebody damn it. Even if it wasn’t Bucky.

“What about Sam?” Bucky had asked one morning,  
“What about Sam?” Steve questioned back, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Sam had just left their apartment after grabbing a quick drink after his and Steve’s morning run. Sam met Bucky’s approval. If Steve fell in love with anybody, Sam would be the one that Bucky backed up 100%. He was loyal, funny, caring and he saw what Bucky and Peggy saw.  
“Well if you’re looking, Sam is probably the best place to start”  
“Looking for what?” Steve had put down his spoon and pushed his bowl aside, leaning onto his elbows to stare at Bucky who was sitting opposite him on the small island in their kitchen.  
“Somebody to love, because you’ve lost Peggy and I know you can’t love me anymore, it’s cool I get it. But you can’t go through your life not loving anybody Stevie, it’s not you!”  
“What do you mean Bucky?” Steve looks a little offended now, as well as confused.  
“When you agreed that you haven’t loved anyone since Peggy-“

He’s interrupted when Steve lets out a low, sad laugh  
“And you thought I meant that I’d stopped loving you?” He grabs Bucky’s hands “Buck, what the hell. I’ve loved you forever, and I’ll continue loving you forever. Till the end of the line, remember.” Bucky’s confusion must show on his face because Steve sighs and runs one of the hands through his hair before placing it back into Bucky’s grip “I stopped trying to love anyone when I lost you!”  
“But what about Peggy?” Bucky can’t seem to find his tongue.  
“She lived a full and happy life without us. Yes, I loved her. I was gonna marry her Buck. But I would have tried to sneak you in there somehow. Because I would have married you then if it was possible. You were always first in my heart, don’t ever doubt that. You could never leave. You haven’t left. I love you the most Buck. Always have and always will.” Buck laughs this time, itching at his eye with Steve’s knuckle  
“You still love little old me?”  
“Course I do Buck!” Steve sounds indignant and Bucky lets himself laugh again  
“Even if I’m broken?”  
“You aren’t broken” Steve protests, clutching at Bucky’s hands harder “You want me to prove I love ya’ by marrying ya’?” Steve shifts in his stool “I’ll do it Buck, it’s legal now!” Bucky breaks then, into peals of laughter, having to clutch at his sides.

They leave the conversation until later that night when Bucky’s curled around Steve in bed, listening to his heart beat  
“Why Sam anyway?” Steve questions and Bucky shrugs. Too tired to explain himself.  
“You need a better proposal that that” He says in response instead. Steve just hums drowsily, clutching onto Bucky tighter. Lulling them both into sleep.


End file.
